


The more things change (You are still the same)

by iwantcandy2



Series: Rarepair Requests [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cybersex, M/M, Non-binary character, Species Swap, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3655848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwantcandy2/pseuds/iwantcandy2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are a universal constant.</p><p>Like assholes. Assholes never change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The more things change (You are still the same)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zunomian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zunomian/gifts).



> For the prompt: Specieswap AU where snarky asshole supreme troll Dave makes it his mission to troll snobby human douchebag Eridan. Eridan never backs down from a challenge and attempts to troll him back in a suitably melodramatic way. Obviously I'd like an interspecies blackrom to spark. Any headcanons for human Eridan and troll Dave are welcome but I'd love it if one or both of them are trans/nonbinary. I'd also love if they can bond over a mutual interest in poetry.

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]  
TG: whats up bitches  
TG: guess whos back  
TG: back again  
CA: so im guessin you watched those eminem videos i linked you  
CA: what did you think of earth rap artists  
TG: i think that your culture is awful and i am stupider for having been subjected to it  
CA: whatEVER you and i both know you ate up that white rapper shit  
TG: what significance is it that hes white  
TG: is that like a caste thing for you guys  
CA:…  
CA: uh not strictly speaking  
CA: but like white people arent usually know for their skills lyrical  
TG: okay chalk that up to another thing humans do that almost makes sense but then doesnt  
TG: on the list already religion sexuality the distribution of wealth and democracy  
CA: obviously you dont know SHIT about the human race  
CA: look ive been being nice to you on account of you being really bad at your job  
CA: ive practically held your hand through this whole trolling bullshit  
TG: no you havent thats what i want you to think  
CA: LIES  
CA: admit it, you would be completely fuckin lost if it werent for me  
CA: remember your first pitiful trolling attempts  
CA: yo yo yo attention pitiful human  
CA: imma bout to get personal like youre on a show named Truman  
CA: got your whole life up on my plasma  
CA: hate to break it to you son but you HAS na  
CA: chance of survival  
CA: cause im your number one rival  
CA: dropping bombs like a zealot  
CA: hoping you feel lots  
TG: oh god are you just copy pasting our old chat logs word for word  
CA: of pain bitch i make it rain  
TG: okay stop this is painful to read  
CA: (how do you think it felt to have to read this shit the first time?!)  
CA:  red hot on your head  
CA:  wish you were dead  
TG: okay i was being ironic with those first trolls  
CA: no you werent  
CA: thats what makes it funny  
CA: you were trying so hard to impress  
TG: okay no you are misinterpreting this  
CA: maybe you were nervous  
CA: or maybe this was your weird alien way of hitting on me  
TG: what  
CA: i understand i mean i am a hot piece or real estate  
TG: no  
TG: just no  
CA: and i dont know how to break this to you but i am just not into alien guys  
TG: oh hell no  
TG: okay on the long list of things that are wrong with everything you just said  
TG: i am projectile vomiting at the thought of courting your dank human ass  
TG: seriously i just became a super sprinkler of bile at the idea  
CA: nah you know you want me  
TG: second do not assign me one of your human genders its gross  
CA: wait are you not a guy  
TG: no thats a stupid assumption you made because your inferior human think pan has to assign genders to everything  
TG: like most of your languages even have to assign gender to inanimate objects  
TG: its dumb  
CA: so wait how does troll gender work  
TG: i dont know its not a big fucking deal over here  
TG: its actually kind of an outdated thing like having one of your human bar mitzvahs or whatever  
TG: its like some trolls want a gender and yeah thats nice for them but mostly people dont give a fuck  
CA: huh  
TG: yeah so thats how it goes  
TG: so like i dont even care call me whatever you want because your language is stupid and i guess as long as we are communicating in it some of the stupidity is unavoidable  
CA: wow okay  
CA: so like i guess that whole gender tangent was just you trying to distract me from the REAL subject at hand.  
CA: which is how you very much so want in my human pants  
TG: jegus you just dont stop  
CA: all im saying is that i guess im flattered by this constant attention but i am JUST NOT INTERESTED  
TG: okay seriously how far is your head up your ass  
TG: like should i send a search and rescue team  
CA: although i mean i guess if you wanted to cyber a little that would be okay  
TG: stop no  
CA: ill go first  
CA: *pulls of shirt*  
TG: do not want  
CA: *blushes and bats eyes at you*  
TG: thats it fuck the mission i have had enough of your self centered romantic bullshit  
turntechGodhead [TG] has blocked calligulasAquarium [CA]!  
CA: heheh  
CA: sucker  
CA: cant believe he actually fell for that


End file.
